She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
