Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
