I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
