I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
