Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
