He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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