addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
