Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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