I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
