we have officially lost it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
