Umm I'm too high to move.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
