He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
