i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
