Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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