Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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