But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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