Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
