Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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