I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
