everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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