I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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