I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
