Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
