i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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