Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
