so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
