only if we run a train.
done.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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