We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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