I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
