the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
