I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
