so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
