Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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