booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
