i just had sex bonerless
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
