I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
