Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
