I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
