On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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