also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
