Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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