update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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