before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
