Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
