Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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