guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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