god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
