Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
