considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
