woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
