I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
