Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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