Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
