I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
