ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm bleeding and have questions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
