I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
