theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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