is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
