umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
